Married and lonely

Sola-Leonis View Post

Hello all.  I hope I do not defile what seems to be family friendly thread, so perhaps I need to put some feelers out first.  I would welcome some input from y'all about marriage and intimacy--or the lack there of.  Would this be something that folks would be pen to discussing ?

Psychiatrist GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY 1 Co 7:4-5

Thanks, I am familiar with the scripture.  I guess I was hoping to find some others that have been struggling with the same issues.

Is she passive aggressive (weak person's coping mechanism)?  

Hmm no I would call it just not interested.  I believe if I never brought it up it would be perfectly fine.  This has been going on to some degree for our entire marriage (30 plus years) and has been getting worse frankly I don't know how much more I can take.  Counseling is not an option (usually the first suggestion) and even though I am told 'it's not me' I don't believe it any longer. I guess it comes down to only a few options:  stay, leave or cheat and one of them are godly.

You didn't mention murder.

Angela53510 View Post

This is the right place! People come here to ask for marriage advice, rarely to talk about good and happy marriages. So much, that sometimes it is downright depressing. Which is not to say, you are causing that problem.

I don't feel better getting to know his heart.

Depleted View Post

You know what gets wives interested? Romance, doing nice things for them, remembering them first. Love! Have you tried that yet?

He doesn't love her (Eph. 5:25–33).

kaylagrl View Post

[He doesn't love her (Eph. 5:25–33).] That's a rather harsh...

Ex 20:14 He though about committing adultery. I don't know what you call love. He didn't mention contemplating murdering her--which frankly would have been more loving--like ripping off a Band-Aid. Poor woman.

...and unfounded statement to make. imo...

That'll come up again (Heb 13:4, Mt 12:36).

Sola-Leonis View Post

...Serpentdove, I am not certain why you would automatically assume 'I don't love her'....

You said that you thought about committing adultery (Ex 20:14). You and I have different definitions of love (Eph. 5:25–33). Say I lust her, I like my laundry done. Do not use the word love. That's our word. 

"I prefer clarity to agreement." ~ Dennis Prager

...and if you don't know my heart then ask...

I now know your heart. I knew Sarah Palin's heart when she said that she thought about murdering her own child (Pr 8:36). This is what we call in the Greek a no-brainer.

I do indeed love her as Christ loved the church...

Not quite.

...[F]rankly you cannot be with someone this long and raise children -without- loving them.

I don't believe you. You believe you. Ask God if you're right.

But the issue is not about love or nor don't... but merely a portion of marital love that has gone missing...

By you (Mt 5:28).

"Good question! You see, brains! The answer is no, I don't believe in it. Good for the man, lousy for the woman. She dies, she suffocates. I've see it! And then the husband runs around complaining that he's f**king a dead person, and he's the one who killed her!" ~  Daryl Van Horne, The Witches of Eastwick

I must apologize to your group for bringing this up at all... apparently here is a common set of answers being offered...

You're welcome (Ac 20:20).

...and I understand that with the information given it is easy to assume that the cause is one sided or based on selfishness, but it's not...

Blame her fallen Adam (Gen. 3:9–12).

... and I was hoping that I could find someone that has had similar experiences...

Jesus had a similar experience. He was hated, too.

kaylagrl View Post

You can love someone and still be in a desperate situation.

If he loves God and loves her, he doesn’t contemplate committing adultery (Ex 20:14). She’s in a desperate situation and likely doesn’t know it.

The Bible also tells us not to forbid each other in intimacy within marriage because of this very reason.

God has solutions in the manual. Committing adultery is not one of them (Ex 20:14).

People feel they need relief. We don’t know both sides of the story but only what he has said.

Is that what you do? You hold people’s hand all the way to hell?

They each have issues they need to deal with and it takes two to make a marriage work.

Without bringing a third party into their covenant (Matt. 19:6, 1 Co 6:16).

He said adultery wasn't a Godly option; so, I don't think he intends to do such a thing.

Why did he say it? Why are you not horrified by it? Don’t you love your neighbor? Don’t you want to tell him the truth? Prov. 2:16–19, Heb 13:4

But when you are lonely and feel rejected Satan can use that weakness.

And now Satan and his forces know what’s on his mind. The cloud of angels are shaking their heads because they don’t get it--God is so good. Men shout, "Crucify him. Crucify him."

Therefore that is why we are told not to forbid each other within a marriage.

He’s aware of the scripture. Did he mention it to his wife?--Your body doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to me (1 Co 7:4). No, he said he has the option to defile himself (Ex 20:14).  

Sola-Leonis View Post

Well, now I understand why you call yourself serpentdove.  You clearly have a lot of anger issues...

Eph 4:14 :noway:

…Let him who has sinned not cast the first stone....

Jesus supported the death penalty for adulterers.

Kaylagrl, Thank you for you kind insight, yours was the only one who tried to look at the heart…

We saw your heart. It stinketh (Jn 11:39).

Once again, I apologize for creating such a whirlwind…

You only wanted support for your evil desires (Jer. 16:2).

…I wont waste any more time arguing or defending myself in cyber space to someone who clearly has no clue.

Don’t talk to you wife--the married and lonely one on the couch. Talk to perfect strangers.

...or wont look beyond their own distorted ideals.

Sometimes you gotta go where everybody knows your name. And they share your ideals.

I came here looking for godly insight… You will know them by their fruit...

…Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19–21 (NKJV)

kaylagrl View Post

Wow oh wow! I'm not even going to dignify that with a response...

First you'd have to have dignity (Pr 31, Ro 1:32, Heb 13:4). Response following...

... I would never come to you if I had a private issue in my life. How cruel and judgmental can a person be? No help to this poor person at all.

I'm not a marriage and family therapist. I only play one on the internet. Eph 4:14

See:

Satan’s Strategy, Part 1 by Charles Stanley

Sola-Leonis View Post

[Ex 20:14] …[M]ore garbage from the self proclaimed Christian...

Are you writing to me? Ga 4:16

…I just had to take her off ignore long enough to see what other uneducated trailer trash she could come up with.

Something about Thou shall not that you don’t get? Ex 20:14

I wonder how long she will continue to spew and embarrass herself?

You’re projecting again (Eph 4:14).   I regret you can no longer be embarrassed (Jer 6:15).

See:

 How to Renew Your Mind, Part 1 – A by James MacDonald

I guess that's why the Lord speaks of 'casting pearls before swine...'

Pearls like I want to betray my God and my wife? Those kind of pearls?

…[S]top wasting your breath…

Now an appropriate use of pearl/swine moment. Next time you wield the sword trying taking the blindfold off.

….[Y]ou clearly need more help than any of us.

I’ve got a savior. Help's on the way (Ps 64:7).

Sola-Leonis View Post

It amazes me that folks who claim to be Christian and behave like that, while claiming it to be 'in the name of the Lord' ... it's really sad.

Are you gossiping about me again? Ga 4:16. Is anyone else here telling you the truth? Ac 20:20

While I have encountered some friendly folks on this site, its people like that with a Jezebel spirit…

You’re projecting again (Eph 4:14). Jezebel sought to murder the prophets of God (1 Kin. 18:4–13).

The only thing I can say is repeat Jesus's words in Matthew 7 - "You will know them by their fruit" (Matthew 7:15-20).

You can’t get good fruits from bad roots. Ask yourself why your tree produces adultery (Ex 20:14, Ga 5:19–2). Could be it’s dying.

I would never speak to anyone in that fashion…

Sit in a padded pew and get yourself a fluffy puffy, cotton candy preacher (Is 30:10).

…[C]an you imagine if our Lord had?

Mt 12:34, Lk 19:27

Jesus loves you (Jn 3:16). Jesus is willing to save you (2 Pe 3:9). Repent (Eze 18:30-32; Ac 17:30). Believe (Mk 9:23).

kaylagrl View Post
I'm not sure if your first comment was meant to be funny or an insult so I'll wait on the clarification.

You tell me. What are your standards? Do you have any integrity? Ps 139:21. Do you endorse his sinful plan? Ex 20:14 I'd get on the record now (Heb 13:4) or you'll give an account later (Mt 12:36). I'm good with this guy (Eze 33:8).

Are you willing to tell him that his plan is evil? Am 5:15 You'll notice he didn't say: Wow, my plan was so evil. Forgive me Christian community for having named the name of Christ, then speaking about wanting to live like a pig and asking you all for an endorsement (Ro 1:32). God doesn't wink at sin. Do you?

No, he attempted to justify himself and blame others who tell him the truth--a sure sign of one falling away. I think I'm the only one will to tell him the truth by the way. Haven't read the whole thread (Ac 20:20). You're not seeing red flags here? Sounds like a shipwreck waiting to happen (1 Ti 1:19). His wife will experience the brunt of it if she's a believer. That's the deal. If she's a believer, she's got a heart (1 Jn 3:14). This one--stone cold (Eze 36:26). His heart is harder today than it was yesterday. You haven't noticed? Could be lights out for him (Ge 6:3). He had a divine appointment--there are no coincidences--and failed to repent (Ps 95:8).

He could get down on his face before a holy God. Otherwise, God will take him out at the knee caps (Ro 14:11).
Doodahdad View Post
… Jesus said "my yoke is light, come to me, all of you, and you will find rest..."

You believe he’s in Christ. I do not. Heb 13:4

“I prefer clarity to agreement.” ~ Dennis Prager
…not 'Dam you all.  You are going to hell.'

God says what he means and means what he says (Prov. 7:27; Rev. 21:8).

…[He was] [l]ooking for a Godly resolution...

Committing adultery is godly? Ex 20:14

[R]emember, Psalms says "..a kind word turns away wrath..."

Pr 6:32, 26:4

“The greatest sin in America is calling sin sin.” ~ Bob Enyart Is 5:20

Rockrz View Post
…[S]ometimes the Lord reveals to those that have married someone who has been married before (partner still living) or they themselves have been married before (partner still living) and their current marriage is actually adultery which they need to ask / receive forgiveness for and refrain from intimacy altogether because it would be more adultery to engage in intimacy.

Intimacy adultery Ro 6:1

God can’t bless you having sex with someone else’s wife (Gen. 2:24, Ex. 20:14, Ps. 128:1–6).
Or, we could ignore what Jesus said about marrying someone who has been divorced (partner still living)... and doing so would be building their lives on sand and not the firm foundation of Jesus' sayings.... leading to destruction.

It’s called serial adultery (Rom. 7:2, 3).

See:

Supreme Court Marriage

Many are in this situation and this is why intimacy and their marriages in general doesn't work.

I don’t believe he’s said that he is in this situation in the thread. If that’s the case—bigger problems in River City, yes. Men can lose their God-given bonding mechanism and find themselves in need of a little blue pill.

Really in that situation all one can really do is be roommates and focus more on the other person's relationship with the Lord as well as your own walk with the Lord.... and leave the monkee bidness alone.

If you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Mt 19:11 Our land is corrupt (Hos. 4:1–3) as this thread highlights. Can an adulterer return? Prov. 7:27; Rev. 21:8

“There’s always hope. There’s just no prayer.” ~ Dennis Prager

Paul was married then his 'ol lady either died or left him…

Probably because he became a believer. Nothing new under the sun.

Recommended reading:

'Til Faith Do Us Part: How Interfaith Marriage is Transforming America by Naomi Schaefer Riley

My Bible did not come with a "Book of Bob".

Neither does mine (1 Pe 4:5).

kaylagrl View Post
…[Y]ou made up out of whole cloth that he does not love his wife.



You believe he loves his wife. I do not.

“I prefer clarity to agreement.” ~ Dennis Prager

Reprobates don’t love (2 Cor. 13:3–5). Christians love (Eph. 5:25–33).

You believe he’s a Christian. I do not (Mt 7:20).

“I prefer clarity to agreement.” ~ Dennis Prager
…[Y]ou can throw a million Bible verses at us and look self-righteous…

I have no righteousness of my own (Is. 61:10).

…and superior…

Christ is superior (Jer 9:23-24).

…You're picking on the person for something he did not say.

Sola-Leonis quote: “I guess it comes down to only a few options: stay, leave or cheat and one of them are godly.” Pr 23:7, Mt 5:28

…[Y]ou are falsely accusing him.

Proof please (Eph 4:14).

…You don’t know this person!

God knows his heart. From here, not lookin too good (Mt 7:20).

…What if she's [his wife] cheating and that's why she doesn't want to be with her husband?

He hasn’t said that’s the case to my knowledge. Again, haven’t read the whole thread. He says I’m on ignore and then keeps responding to me. If you’re willing to lie about: love, honor, cherish; you’re willing to lie about a member being on ignore or not.

...[L]ots of self righteous judgment thrown in with random Bible verses…


See:

Judge Rightly Is Not Some Guy's Name

…tossed in to make you look good.

Who cares what I say? What has God said? Phil. 2:16

You have an awful lot to say for a newbie…

You’re welcome (Ac 20:20).

kaylagrl View Post
You don’t believe he's a Christian? Who died and made you God?

God knows his heart. We are fruit inspectors (Mt 7:20). Thinking about committing adultery is evil (Ex 20:14). You’re not willing to say that. I am (Heb 13:4).

You don’t know this person… You don’t know them personally.

Neither do you (Eph 4:14).

…[Y]ou are falsely accusing him.

Proof please (Eph 4:14).

...He does have you on ignore…

So he says. He also said he’d: love, honor and cherish her (Eph. 5:25–33). If he’s not a Christian, it would be best to fess up. Say, I’m not a Christian. I lied. Sorry. I misrepresented myself. I am the reprobate that you all say I am. Now, what? No one expects a reprobate to remain faithful to his wife. When one claims to be a Christ-follower, we can reasonably expect him to follow Christ.

Sola-Leonis View Post
...[W]hatever I say will also be perverted into something else...

You could have retracted your vile comment.

But we are Sodom aka America (Hos. 4:1–3). You expected lots of support. Unfortunately, you got it (Jer. 16:2).

Tu ipse esto ~ Socrates

[Multiple critiques other members]

Ro 1:16



kaylagrl View Post
Nothing he's said would make us think he's not a Christian…

No one in my church tells me that committing adultery is an option for them (Heb 13:4). I don’t go to the church of Thyatira. If you do, plan to go into the Great Tribulation. It’s guaranteed (Rev. 2:18–24).
Quote Originally Posted by kaylagrl View Post
Nothing he's said would make us think he doesn't follow Christ either…

The Jesus of scripture is against adultery (Ex 20:14). He, not the men around him, could forgive sin (Jn 8:7).

...I do think counseling is needed and my uncle and aunt had a situation much like this. She was very private and refused help until my uncle had made up his mind to leave,then she said she'd go to counseling. By that time too much damage had been done and they divorced. I hope that doesn't happen in this situation.

Who filed for divorce? Did you support the one filing? Jer. 16:2, Heb 13:4

Not about to discuss family situations with you...

I'm guessing you supported your evil uncle (Pr 23:7, Mt 18, Heb 13:4). When America is judged for her sin, it is in a small part because of you (Jer. 16:2, Hos. 4:1–3).

...[Y]ou might want to go join Westboro...

I bet he still gets sweet kisses on his cheek from you. Don't stand too close to me on judgment day. Don't want to get singed.

tourist View Post
You don't want her to get singed? That's very thoughtful of you.

Lk 12:47

kaylagrl View Post
[Presumably me] ...[T]he person says the more they show their real heart and everyone can see.

I support marriage (Gen. 2:18–24).
Rockrz View Post
That's what I was saying... if one is married to someone that was married before and their previous partner is still living, then they should not be having sex with them.

When they say they’re not having sex, you believe them. I do not.

“I prefer clarity to agreement.” ~ Dennis Prager

If you’re willing to commit serial adultery (Rom. 7:2, 3), you’re also willing to lie.
None of this is the unpardonable sin…

Serial adulterers (Rom. 7:2, 3) can be forgiven.
…but the sin does need to be confessed and repented of and stopped.

Most will not stop (your word). Mt 19:11. Should he wish to honor the Lord, then Holy Spirit will enable him to live as he must. He cannot return to his wife as she is defiled (Deut. 24:4).
Dennis Prager is a very, very, very, very, very poor person to be getting spiritual advice from...

You had me at very. He’s got the spiritual discernment of a door knob, agreed. He teaches the bible—badly.
I used to listen to him until he said on his show one day that God does not answer prayer... that's when I said "see ya".

Guess that leprechaun god didn’t work out for him. :idunno: Blindness in part has happened to Israel (Ro 11:25). He is without excuse.
He's a heretic…

He encourages men to have a wicked thought life (Mt 5:28, Ro 1:32, Jas 1:15).
…I'm sure he's a nice person but he's lost as a goose in a whirlwind and doesn't know the first thing about the Lord.

There will be plenty of nice people in hell (Ps 50:21).
Rockrz View Post
Ultimately, it's good to not touch a woman... I'll take that which is good over flesh any day!

In this culture not a bad idea (Jer. 16:2).
I know I wouldn't want to bring a child in to this sin sick, disgusting, demonic world.

It’s not getting any better (2 Ti 3:3 KJV, Ro 1:31 KJV).
J7 View Post
It only takes one bad woman to muck up a man, check out Jezebel.

Jezebel types do not honor marriage (Mark 6:17, 18). John the Baptist was hated for saying so (Matt. 14:3–12). Nothing new under the sun (Eccl 10:2, Jn 10:10).
 

Rockrz View Post
...[U]nder the New Covenant there is no authorization to have a concubine or to get divorced and remarry while your original spouse is still kickin'.  What are you, a Mormon or something?
Right. When you're married, you don't get married again (Rom. 7:2, 3)--unless you live in Utah.



J7 View Post
Dear oh dear.  You are both a bit clueless aren't you?
...From the guy 'keeping it real' by promoting serial adultery? Rom. 7:2, 3, Heb 13:4 I'm sorry you don't know what marriage is (Matt. 19:6). Show up at the Great White Throne without your wife (fire of life) lilfe אִשָּׁה [ʾishshah /ish·shaw/]. Find out what the consuming fire who kept his vow (Mal 2:15) thinks about that.

Recommended reading:

The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney

Married and lonely